hmmm i just got handled at the airport
I\’m in the plane now, but a few mins ago I was at the security gate. One and a half hrs before my flight. I was only carrying my purse but I still felt that taking off my coat, scarf, jewelry and boots was enough trouble. \”Take off your belt\” the security man told me. \”Oh no my pants will fall down.\” \”Well you will have to get screened then.\” \”It\’s ok I\’ve got an hour and a half to kill\” I said back.\nThen the lil fucker said to this other worker dude \”well she will have and hour and 15 minutes to wait then.\” And they laughed. I know they were doing their jobs, but they could have been a liiiittle bit more friendly, and not make fun of me.\nI then had to stay in this glass cage… I was there waiting… And no one was coming to screen me for a while.\nThen I saw a lady that had her belt on, she beeped, and she went back through, took her belt off, and then passed w green. I told the meatball dude \”hey, I\’ll just take my belt off too! This is really taking a while!\” Then he goes \”nope. You stay right where you are and wait.\” You ass. She did exactly the same thing I did with the belt, and u let her go back. Why can\’t I go back? Was I really that much of a bitch? Why do you have that this-is-what-you-get face? I really said it in a nice way. These pants really do fall off, I don\’t want my coinslot showing and I had to wake up at 5. I lost my 7am flight and I am so tired. I get security screened aaaaalll the time at LAX and burbank because I beep and it takes 10 seconds. BUT this lil airport in long beach (I\’m taking a quickie flight to san francisco and only will be there for 2 hrs before I fly back) anyway, this airport is soooooo uptight. Which is GREAT, seriously, I don\’t wanna get blown to lil fleshy pieces mid-air, but why did I have to get that mean attitude and get put on time-out… Like a hamster on a glass cage.\nFinally the nice screen lady came and asked me fast questions. I told her I\’ve been screened before. She asked more very fast questions. \”Yes I\’ve been screened many times, even at the White House post 9/11.\”. She actually made me take my belt off. Dammit. Then she started screening me. And it was SCREENING. State of the art screening. I mean, she even made me sit down and scanned my feet. Not kidding. Screw all of those white house, washington dc, and sacramento screeners I\’ve had before. She was THOROUGH. Then she touched my butt and bussoms. She made me show her on the inside of my jeans by the button. I took it as a massage and just relaxed. I was sleepy so I used it as a theurapeutic opportunity. Hmmmmm. While all this was happening – which actually did not take 10 seconds as ush, but 2 to 3 minutes instead – I of course used it as a chance to tell her \”you are really good\” \”like, really. I\’ve never been screened this way before.\” She was so sweet and just laughed and said \”really?\” I told her those guys in dc got nothin on her. And of course, I told her to tell her boss that she is good and that the screeners at LAX are a joke. I confessed I have sneaked in stun guns, knives, and knitting sticks to planes before. I have a Fendi \”spy bag\” handbag and I don\’t know what it is about this bag, but I have flown with all this stuff on accident. I think it just gets lost in there and blends in. Maybe I gave her too much info, but I had an hour to kill plus I like trouble sometimes. (Sometimes). Plus I had all these endorphins.\nAfter putting on all of my clothes… I reached in my purse. Pocket knife, check. Knitting sticks, check.\nI reaaally wanted to look back to those 2 douchebags that were makin fun of me and say really loud \”hey bitchface, look at this! my knife went through and you didn\’t even notice it!\”\n\nThis is totally pointless but I had to let my feelings out. Flight 1438 to san francisco here I come!
