mo. ti. va. tion.
so yesterday i was having a little bit of a mood swing. effin estrogen. i went out to breakfast in north hollywood with adam, and the day was so great, he was so sweet. but then a few hours later i was just tired, and uneasy, and had so many things in my mind… taxes due soon (i have like twenty 1099’s and ten w4’s), having spent $400 on new tires, the new foster kitty, and random small little things like i wanted to bake cupcakes but i had forgotten my easter sprinkles at home (seriously, i was actually a bit upset that i didn’t have my sprinkles. what a little drama queen haha).
i had an audition but did not feel like going at all, so i didn’t. i kept making excuses to not go. it was for a music video, i was gonna come out on a bikini, and it only paid $500. it wasn’t my type of work anyway, so i was actually not bummed with myself that i did not go because i don’t want to do a job just for the money.
it’s hard sometimes to have to push yourself to do some things. my manager sent me out on a great casting for a hair salon in beverly hills two days ago, and i had so much energy i was like “hell yeah!”. it’s just all so random. like when you have a regular job and some days you enjoy going to work, and others you dread it…. it’s the same with me and my modeling career but in a different environment and schedule.
i was remembering i wanted to quit modeling not long ago. it was actually in mid march, about a month ago. work was not as frequent as i wanted for some time and one day i just felt very unmotivated. i had sprained my ankle the week of LA fashion week auditions early march. i thought maybe my time modeling was over and i should go back into the “business” side of me and put my college degree back to use.
i punched myself in the face, told myself i wasn’t gonna get into a self-pitty cycle. i just held on for a couple of days, pushed myself through, called my agencies and manager and soon enough a few days later i started getting more work. that week alone i had a fitting for a shoot for j. corsentino’s Time of The Faeries on thursday, my agency direct booked me for a shoot for the opening sequence of a new tv show on bravo on friday, i booked and shot a co-lead role in music video for band Go West Young Man and shot it saturday and sunday, and then did an interview for bridal tv show on WE on tuesday.
crazy model life. when it rains, it pours… all when you least expect it.
don’t ever, ever give up. don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. the only person who can tell you you can’t do it is yourself.
always take ur chances. you don’t lose anything by trying.
chances of you being found are low. what r u waiting for? go get whatever it is you have always wanted, NOW. turn criticism into something positive. don’t stop at the no’s – take them as lessons. and keep trying. and always stay positive.
i don’t believe in “things happen for a reason”. to me, they simply happen.
shit happens, period. just make the best of it.
put on your best face during the low times because when you least expect it…. the high tides have come.
now go get on your ass and do whatever it is you have always wanted to do!!!
