ok so periodically, well, every week, i measure and weigh myself. i haven’t gained or lost weight in years – but i don’t control it, i just happen to have a high metabolism and i stay at 120 lbs (give or take) in spite of eating like i eat (a lot).
so, i recently was featured in the homepage of askmen.com with a photo gallery, and collegehumor.com wrote a short article on me about those pictures:
i admit it was flattering and made me blush a little, and it was funny too (the “missing i” part was so cool). i had no idea that the website wrote that, in fact, if it wasn’t for some of my friends telling me they saw me in the collegehumor.com homepage, i wouldn’t have known.
later i was able to read the comments by the users. the comments however, kinda shocked me. i did see some funny ones like “hot damn”, “me likey pie”, etc. but what actually made me feel a little uneasy was this:
“hmmm…maybe a bit too skinny”
“yea i don’t really like her body shape… looks funny to me. Gain 5-10 pounds and she’d be perfect.”
“Yeah some (like #2) she looks like a concentration camp survivor. Others (4&5) she looks like a healthy, big-boobed hotty.”
(pics #2, 4, and 5 that the poster commented about)
i am used of casting directors, agents, photographers, managers, bookers, and even clients telling me my “faults”, because it is very eye-opening and i always appreciate constructive criticism. and i take it very well. after all, without realizing your “not perfect” aspects and improving them, no one can get ahead of their career, any career.
but to see what people not in the entertainment industry think of me in an unbiased way is very different than what i’m used to. those guys (or girls?) probably did not think i was going to read their comments, which is cool. i actually appreciate those comments because it makes me realize some things that i did not see – that some people think i am too skinny?
but i really feel otherwise.
i mean, “concentration camp survivor”? wtf i swear. i’m not that skinny. i just ate beans and rice (so good). every day i eat probably about 20% more than the average “healthy” person, and i stay the same. i mean everyone always tells me to not eat that many pastries and ice cream cause i will get sick. and you’re thinking, “well what you eat is not the problem, the problem is that you look too skinny”. but what the fuck do i do? hit the gym and grow some muscles? when i was in the track team in college i run a lot, worked out a lot, 6 days a week, and still, 120 fucking pounds. i was very very toned, and my legs still are very muscular i think from that, but here’s a news-flash: there’s no more room, and unless i eat 5,000 calories a day, which i won’t cause i dont wanna get type 2 diabetes, i will still weigh 120.
screw you, metabolism. actually, never mind… thank you, for not assimilating food as easily. and for those of you who tell me i’m skinny, well i’m sorry but just deal with what i can’t and won’t change about me. trust me, i do eat. i love to eat. but just like there are short and not-short people, there are skinny and not-skinny people. metabolisms. i need sugar to function. it’s genetics, and we gotta deal with it by accepting and embracing who we are instead of thinking of our faults. don’t change the way you look for someone else. don’t try to please everybody or else you’ll go crazy.
if we focus on the positive aspects within ourselves, it’s all that really matters. beauty consists of a small part of what you look like, and a big part of how you feel like. beauty reflects in your personality, through your eyes, and believe it or not, the confidence that seeps through your body language. the happier and more comfortable you become with your body, the better you feel. learn to listen to it. beauty is in the attitude and how YOU want others to see you.
Tags: Blah Blah (ramble) by Danella Lucioni
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News reports from Iraq and disturbing video footage showing government veterinarians and other officials shooting and poisoning puppies and dogs in Baghdad (for “control” purposes).
